Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The day from hell, seriously.

As I expected, this is not my day either. I started my day with going to work. An hour later I felt myself crying and I was not even sure why I was crying. Just felt like all people are leaving, rethinking every single person I have known on this planet and just feeling like shit. I feel like I'm not enough for anything, ever. How much I try everything always ends up the way I don't want. Is it always going to be this way? How do I know that something is ever going to stay?

My co-worker got super worried about me: "What's wrong, Linda? Linda, what's going on?"
I told part of why I feel the way I feel in a few sentences. Then I stopped crying, thank god. Luckily enough my crying event was short and did not get seen by anyone except my co-worker. I hate people that cry at work, that's just for losers that don't know how to keep professional life from personal life. So I guess that's I'm a loser today.

Sent messages back & forth with Kirsten the whole day. My great friend. I should send her an ecard of something to cheer her up, she's so great! We're so similar as people. The way we function with certain things. I say something and she really GETS IT. She listens, supports and it's just.... fantastic. Someone that really, really,really cares. I think Kirsten is teaching me to become a better person too. She's such a giving, nice and truly amazing person.
I really hope she's not sick as she told me that she might be. I would be DEVASTATED. Anything involving any kind off serious disease just make me freak out.

I think I'm just going to go to bed. I just feel like all air went out of me. I still feel cold. My head is pounding. Here we go again, I just feel like crying. What the hell is wrong with me???

Ok, it's just to attack everything like I did some months ago. Get the happiness and speed up again. I'm like a wave. Down today.... In a few days the energy will be back and I'm up and running. I just need something exciting to happen. Something SUPER EXCITING. Stuff like that feeds my energy and keeps me going. Things have been so lame lately and no entertainment at all.

Tomorrow I'm meeting Tina though. VERY exciting! She has been gone for more than 3 weeks. That will speed up my week.

I just have to tell myself to get my head functioning again. Life doesn't go under because people leave and you lose people. Also, I can't change the history. God, I get so pathetic at times like this. I start thinking about Susanne, Nancy, Rhea, Helena, Lisa, M.... God, I have been consuming people like corn flakes over the years. It's normal, I know... But I don't work that way! I can't take stuff like this, it kills me every time. I do not want anyone to leave - ever - once someone is in my life. It takes me so much time to get over things. Forever basically. I hate myself right now.

God, I should really get a friend that wants to go BANANAS with me and just start checking out everything in NYC that I haven't seen. Enough of this bullshit.

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