Saturday, July 4, 2009

This with living in another country...

So I have been analyzing my situation for quite some time now. I live here. My family live over there. It's 4th of July and it's hello family time in this country. Wherever I go people have their bbqs in action, especially in the park. I'm not American so for me it doesn't really matter, it's not my tradition. I'm pretty sure though that if I ever decide to move to another part of this world my time in NYC have trained me to have a thicker skin than most people.

People have traveled away and people are busy so here I am. Still stuck with this dog. It doesn't really matter though but for some reason I can't stop thinking about Ylva and how strong she must be. She moved away from home when she was 15 years old. She's an old high school friend in Sweden. I never could relate to her life when I was a teenager as I had my family around, but now I do for some reason I see the patterns & connections. I can't stop thinking of something Kasper said many, many years ago about this or in connection to this.

It just makes me thinking. Sometimes we do get stuck in something and fear of changing things. But what happens when we change and we realize that the change is great but at the same time terrifying? Is there a way to keep it all? Is there a way of keeping history in the present, but at the same time creating a new history and embracing the future? Probably sounds crazy but I just wish things could stay the same but at the same time change drastically as they are doing right now. Big changes are for 2010 and not now though. I can't change some things and that's just how it is.

My blog is also getting dangerous. I get flashbacks to '01 when my blog at another place was able to create a huge change for summer '01. Which makes me think of Emmily and her fabulous writing skills that she used to help me with something back then, haha. Oh those times. I'm so happy I'm not as crazy & intense as I was back then. I still do to impulsive things but not on the same level as back then, haha. I guess we all learn as we grow and get older.

Oh well, enough of me half-sleeping in the hammock. I'm having a true relaxing day with ice cream, varies activities in my hammock at the balcony and coming with that is a lot of analyzing & thinking about life. Read the weirdest book ever about a divorced man with 2 kids that imported a 30 year younger wife from the Philippines. Who writes crap like that? Even I can write & publish something better than that, seriously. I'm not going to get a book again after that I just like the title, complete waste of time, haha. Sometimes I'm just a too stupid customer.

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