Sunday, August 30, 2009


I'm not feeling this. Not at all. I know how to do things on my own but it's boring as hell doing things alone. When things happen, there is no one to tell the stupid things to or to share something with. I have lived abroad for more than 8 years and I am well trained in how to live on my own and how to deal with it. Still, right now I am not feeling this. This sucks.

Kirsten is the person that is trying to make me happy. It's helping a bit. Still I just feel this weird thing inside of me. Like something is completely dead. I'm reading a book called "Robot" too and that's a bit how I feel.

Celina moved from NYC the other day. Now she is gone and this is seriously going to kill me. Not that I used to see her all the time but if the person that I started out with gave up and moved away, why would I continue? I guess I just feel sad that the person that I struggled with, did visas with..... is just gone. On the other side of the planet. We had our last talk on the phone the other day. It didn't feel real that I'm no longer going to be able to just pick up my cell phone and give her a call. Celina said: "I don't want to do this, I don't want to say good bye to you."
Also talked about what we want to do with our lives. Apparently, she is going to work with sales/merchandising in the Korea office and her dreams of running her own company seems gone. What happened? She always wanted to do that and work for Donna Karan. Time flies....

There is nothing that is holding me anymore. I love NYC for everything that it is. I'm very, very grateful that I got my job. It's one of the best things that ever happened. I just feel that I'm never able to merge everything at the same time. Job, friends, relationships, super excitement, busy, busy.... There is always a few that suffer. I wish I had a twin.

Today I just feel like an idiot. Everything is so weird and it's not fun. The only thing that can solve this mood is music. I listen to the same song again and again to make myself get back the speed. Then tomorrow I wake up and I go to work. Work my ass off and I'm happy Linda. It's all about the image, even though as I today just feel like crap.

Things just never go the way you want. But what does it matter? I don't even know what I want. All I know is that I want something and it's not to go back to the way things were before, some years ago. I can live with it, but it doesn't make me happy. I want more.

Why can't things just for once be easy? Where is the key to an easy, happy and no problem life? Does it even exist?

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