Now.

I feel better, but I feel low. It's such a weird feeling.

At work I was laughing. Got the weirdest pant ever. The cuff at the hem was all messed up. My boss was on the phone with the vendor. Every time she talks to this guy it's like an episode from the office: "*****, NO that is NOT what you told me. ******, wait, what? You don't have anymore fabric? How is that possible????!!!! ******, how come you have no more fabric???!!!" Then she runs away or have someone run and find for her what she is looking for. Me, my co-worker next to me and the technical designer crack up of laughter: "Here we go again!" The stupid vendor have once again messed something up. This time to not buy enough fabric to create a proper cuff for a pant. It's "great"! What else can be done than just laugh about this circus? I still wonder how this company can even get one single garment made...... On Friday the same vendor apparently had shipped the orders wrong and the old owner, that still works at the company, went BANANAS and yelled at the same vendor: "******, how the hell could this happen?? This is NOT what I told you to do? You did what?! *******" We thought the old man would have a heart attack.

Back to me, I'm weirding myself out. Here comes fall again. I just want to snuggle on a couch or my bed and watch a movie. Think, read a book. It makes me bored after a while though. I'm like a little doggie that needs to hang around people. Where is the party?

No.

I'm not feeling this. Not at all. I know how to do things on my own but it's boring as hell doing things alone. When things happen, there is no one to tell the stupid things to or to share something with. I have lived abroad for more than 8 years and I am well trained in how to live on my own and how to deal with it. Still, right now I am not feeling this. This sucks.

Kirsten is the person that is trying to make me happy. It's helping a bit. Still I just feel this weird thing inside of me. Like something is completely dead. I'm reading a book called "Robot" too and that's a bit how I feel.

Celina moved from NYC the other day. Now she is gone and this is seriously going to kill me. Not that I used to see her all the time but if the person that I started out with gave up and moved away, why would I continue? I guess I just feel sad that the person that I struggled with, did visas with..... is just gone. On the other side of the planet. We had our last talk on the phone the other day. It didn't feel real that I'm no longer going to be able to just pick up my cell phone and give her a call. Celina said: "I don't want to do this, I don't want to say good bye to you."
Also talked about what we want to do with our lives. Apparently, she is going to work with sales/merchandising in the Korea office and her dreams of running her own company seems gone. What happened? She always wanted to do that and work for Donna Karan. Time flies....

There is nothing that is holding me anymore. I love NYC for everything that it is. I'm very, very grateful that I got my job. It's one of the best things that ever happened. I just feel that I'm never able to merge everything at the same time. Job, friends, relationships, super excitement, busy, busy.... There is always a few that suffer. I wish I had a twin.

Today I just feel like an idiot. Everything is so weird and it's not fun. The only thing that can solve this mood is music. I listen to the same song again and again to make myself get back the speed. Then tomorrow I wake up and I go to work. Work my ass off and I'm happy Linda. It's all about the image, even though as I today just feel like crap.

Things just never go the way you want. But what does it matter? I don't even know what I want. All I know is that I want something and it's not to go back to the way things were before, some years ago. I can live with it, but it doesn't make me happy. I want more.

Why can't things just for once be easy? Where is the key to an easy, happy and no problem life? Does it even exist?

BBQ

So my landlord is doing some barbequing.... I'm on the edge of jumping off the balcony due to this! I would die for a barbeque right now, seriously. It smells so good! One of those sticks with food on.... yummy..... Now I get hungry.... REALLY hungry. I want to barbeque RIGHT NOW. How am I going to solve this issue?

Orka med folk liksom!

I'm weirded out. One of my ex best friends from high school has been trying to talk to me on Facebook for the past week. Claiming that we "should talk". I haven't spoken to her for 2-3 years. We grew away from each other and had a nasty event when she stayed with her boyfriend at my place many years ago. I still can't forgive her for the ONE THING she had to do when she was here: Bring my interview clothes to my job in the middle of the day so I could go to an interview. She never showed up and I had to go to the interview, 1/2 hour later with flip flops, dirty shirt and an ugly bag. Did I get the job? No, I came off as a complete idiot.

This is when Martin would say: "FUCK her! People like that have done there thing, DONE." So true. We will never fix our friendship. Sad, but true. So different values in life and point of views. Martin is still best friend with Adrian. I guess they have a better friendship than me and my ex best friend had. This girl has also managed to cut friendships left and right, my mom always underlines that. So I'm not the only one that is no longer friends with her.

All I want to know is what she wants though? I mean why now, many years later try to reach out after the 13 page trying-to-solve-our-friendship email, I sent to her many years ago that she never, not even once, replied back to? So lame.

My mom doesn't like her. When this happened many years ago my mom said: "But hasn't she done things like this before? It's so her? I remember you have been really sad about her before."
True.
Emmily, Josssan and Rocio can't stand this girl either. They always said: "We really can't see WHY you want to be friends with HER?" Now afterward I really don't know why. Or maybe, we had really fun when we randomly joined a break dance class. The intention was to met cute guys, HAHA. The guys in the break dance class turned out to be 12 years old and we were 18 years old. Also, it was nice to have a really close friend to do things with, that wasn't afraid to do the stupid things. No boundaries and unwritten rules how life should be lived.

I hate stuff like this. This is when Martin would say that I collect people with lost and confusion that suck out my energy until I'm messed up. I'm trying to solve friendships until the very last end. Even though the signs were there to not get solved.

I feel like a loser right now. Such a disaster. Sad. Alone. Or maybe not. Just, wtf? What have I done to get haunted by this old friend. Tearing up so much inside of me that I kept all stored in the back.

Of course she wants to know where I work, where I live - as with everything: Jealousy. I seriously can't deal with people that never knew what they wanted to do and never did anything and then take out their frustrations on me. What's wrong with people?! "Your life is your creation" someone told me long time ago, so true.

Such a lame talk on Facebook too! Apparently she's afraid of getting old and not feeling mature enough. Oh who cares! Life is great! I just think it gets better the more you know, the knowledge. I was a mess when I was 20. Didn't know ANYTHING, only that I wanted to be a designer. Everything else was just bad and I switched from happy to crying without stop in a second. Shit, this is what happens to people that never did anything that they wanted to do. Should I also add that she still had THE same job that she had when she was 18??? 10 years later??? The old summer job with crappy salary. Give me a break. I get a throw up attack when I hear stuff like this. MOVE ON for god's sake! Take a class at the university, expand, branch out, learn something new.... Start a new hobby - anything! That two people's life can take so different directions, it's crazy.

This is the girl that said when I said that I want to be the boss in the future, look further: "Well all people can't be bosses.... That's just how it is.... How would the world look then?"
Well then you become the person that is the boss! Forget about the rest! Don't look down on your own skills and your possibilities. I should be a coach.

Ok, where's the fun ppl? Anyone call me? I need to so something fun! NOW!

So much JUNK!

God, I own so much JUNK. It's unbelievable. I'm still trying to fix my room and rearrange everything with my new furniture. Just went through part of my closet and some of the clothes I had NO IDEA that I still had. Really, do I need to keep a shirt from like 1998? That's not even in ok condition anymore? Even found my old shirt from my senior collection with my collection's name. I made it for myself to match my collection. It's all stained! So sad!! I'm going to try to wash it tomorrow. It's really super sad that white goes yellow after some years.

I really want to go for Asian brunch tomorrow but I have no one to go with. No fun to go by myself so I guess it will be skipped and I can make my own brunch in my kitchen. Boring. Whatever.

I start to feel inspired again. Have so many plans and ideas for things to make. Actually, me and Kirsten started to work on an idea for a website. I have this idea of limited edition childrenswear, stories, characters and just.... very me. Just have to get Kirsten to focus. When we were talking about this last weekend, she was all into her newly bought GIGANTIC Trader Joe's chocolate bar, haha. Oh well, I should really keep a note book in my bag to write down all my ideas. This whole website thing started when Kirsten bought "sad & crying" tissues online, haha. You can really sell anything online. So why not make our own website? Creative projects are wonderful. Kirsten seems to even be into the idea of learning websites.

FOCUS! That's the key for everything. And this is the reason why I can live with my slightly not sometimes exciting tech packs at work. I can do tech packs in my sleep. So easy and not killing myself. While I do that I can start to build an empire.

Oh oh! My new goal. I really want a brownstone building in Park Slope. I was talking to my dad about this today that I want to buy a building like that and they are deadly expensive. My dad had some slightly weird ideas how I could achieve my dream to get a building like that. I think my dad is losing it. In my dreams though, I will own a brownstone. With big windows, lots of light, unlimited budget to fix the interior....

Rachel getting married.

"Rachel getting married" - great movie! I though it would be half bad but people have told me it's good so I saw it. It was a good movie! Such a messed up family, crazy mom and two sisters trying to live with the fact that their little brother died due to one of the sisters' drug problems. Anne Hathaway, she really surprise me sometimes. This movie and "Brokeback Mountain". I always thought of her as the actress for all the princess movies and "The Devil wears Prada. Anyway, this one is worth seeing.

Oh, when I mentioned "The Devil wears Prada"... Anna Wintour was on David Letterman the other evening. She is really skinny as hell and looked very stiff, but loosened up when Letterman joked with her. Apparently there is a documentary coming out about Vogue, "The September Issue". Want to see it! Feel a little bit like this is some desperate attempt to loosen up her "evil bitch" or "ice queen" stamp. Also some attempt to save a dying magazine world. I was reading New York Magazine this morning and apparently Conde Naste has closed several magazines and and ad sales are down - A LOT. What a "surprise" in this economy.

Gorgeous ppl on the subway...

Just as the title.... Gorgeous people on the subway. Omg, I think I met on of the most good-looking guys on this planet today. Not kidding! If beauty, coolness and style had a face - it would be this guy! Even his umbrella was perfectly matching his style!

I was jumping of the 7-train to change to the G-train this morning. On the way to Brooklyn. My umbrella is at work, or my neighbor's umbrella is at work so I had no umbrella.... Of course it started pouring, what else. I try to run to the G-train and stop for a while to get shelter. Probably looked miserable all soaked. Several people passed by but no one offered their umbrella. A guy passed by, looked at me and smiled. He looked like he was going to stop but continued. Then all of a sudden he turned and came back.
"Want to walk under my umbrella?"
"Sure - Thank you!" SMILE

Then we walked there chatting under the umbrella. I told about my umbrella in the office. In no time we were at the station for the G-train. The whole train ride he sat on the other side of the train and we looked at each other. I so should had continued the conversation. Kill me!

I think my new thing is guys with short-sleeved plaid shirt, super slim dark jeans, dress shoes and black glasses. Especially plaid shirts with a off-white ground is catching my eye. Haha, I'm a nerd with details like this. Should I add that the plaid should have thin stripes too? Haha.

Anyway, back to my umbrella-guy. He had perfect hair. Perfection and so shiny it was scary. Not dirty like some people dress and sloppy. When he sat the down on the train it always flew out of me: "Omg, I LOVE the way you look! I love you!" But I didn't. Felt kind off weird and I proably would had been stamped weirdo. He just lend me some space under his umbrella and some laughs about the weather. Also I guessed right, he stepped of at Broadway.

Gorgeous and style... Perfection. I so wanted to shrink him and put him in my pocket. Beauty for the eye is wonderful. The confidence too. Not too much. Just this air of coolness, confidence, style and "I know who I am and that's what I am, I don't care what people think about me".

So not inspired!

Just as the headline - NOT inspired! I'm supposed to sketch/partly design two different groups of sweaters at work. So not feeling it. I LOVE sweaters! Grrr! FOCUS, that's all I can tell myself.

I love my co-workers though! When everything just EXPLODE and we have 3 million things to do something happens and we all start laughing. Today my boss Theresa was running around, as usual. She dumps random stuff at our desks. Her glasses, sketch book, approvals, her water bottle & then she forgets and a confused: "WHERE is my sketch book??!!" can be heard.
"All here, Theresa'"
"Oh yes."
It's hilarious. Today we were laughing as crazy when Theresa confused said: "Me, I steal things?"
Theresa "steals" everything, everywhere. We walk around finding our supplies all our the office that Theresa has borrowed. This woman is like a cartoon. I didn't like her from the beginning but now she entertains me. She also likes me and seems to have partly adopted me.

Now I'm going to watch "Rachel getting married." People have said it's good. Let's see.

Even more tired - of myself.

Oh yes, after a 30 minutes talk on the gmail chat with Kirsten, I have reached the conclusion that I"m an idiot. I hate myself in moments like this. I take everything TOO SERIOUS just because I just do. Even though I have learnt how to deal with this more and more over the years I still do the same stupid things. How do you teach your head to go on different patterns? Really! I know it comes with age but even though I have learnt to live with my head more and more, sometimes I just get SO TIRED of it.

I'm tired, go to bed.

Sleepy, sleepy and more sleepy.

Not healthy in the head right now. So sleepy it's unbelievable. Good Night World.

"Jump out of the window" mood.

That's how i feel right now. Not that something like that will happen, but I get so tired sometimes. Things always get so complicated, left & right. Something be simple for once - P L E A S E!

My new furniture!

Excitement! I got a bunch of furniture from Celina as she is moving back to Korea. On Sunday a drawer, a book shelf and a couch table will be picked up. I no longer need to live in the mess in my room. I got stuff piled along the walls. It has been driving me INSANE for some months now. Now I have solved this issue and even got a table to our couch in the living room! Super exciting! I'm jumping up and down of excitement, haha. Doesn't take much to make me happy. Even someone's old furniture can make my life so much more better!

Retarded customer service!

I'm a patient person with certain things. Today the patient just had to be pushed to the level of absolute maximum. I had to call AT&T customer service, some special division when you upgrade, due to that their system couldn't recognize my address. OK. So I called them to confirm my address and that it's the same address that I had for 4 years. Some moron concluded that my address doesn't exist. The whole conversation with this person ended up being 45 minutes. 45 minutes!!! Seriously, where 30 minutes of the conversation was just him trying to figure out why my address didn't work, complete quiet on the phone. In the end he told me to find another address as my address doesn't exist. What?! I live there! It's my god damn address!

So I tried to get a hold of Kirsten. Which involved going to my old job's website to find the number, calling them up, and ask for Kirsten. Got a hold off her and got her address to be concluded by the MORON at AT&T's customer service that her address didn't exist either. Then finally I gave my job's address, which I believed he would say didn't exist either - that would just be crazy as it's a midtown Manhattan location, but he found it. But I did have to help him spell Broadway and Suite. Who on this planet cannot spell to Broadway or Suite???!!!

At least I got compensate for waiting on the phone with this person for 45 minutes to get the next day delivery. Let's see if my phone will arrive tomorrow. People in the call center for AT&T in Nova Scotia are WEIRD. Isn't that Canada btw? Why do they have a call center in Canada? So weird. Including that he kept asking how far I lived from the city and if the weather was hot in NYC right now. Maybe he should branch out from Nova Scotia and move to NYC to learn to spell to Broadway and Suite! Some people... I cannot believe...... I almost felt like it was a prank call even though I made the call. This is the second time this week I had to talk this long with customer service. Kill me.

New phone...

So my phone has been half-dead for a week. The light in the screen gave up. The phone still works but there is only a possibility to see the screen in certain lights. I am not going to tell the story how my phone died, let's just conclude that I sometimes do not think before I do things. Also, during my unemployment I cancelled my phone insurance. Not the smartest choice. Oh well, my contract was up anyway so now I have renewed it and a new phone is coming in the mail in 2 days..... Hopefully I will like it. I just couldn't make up my mind, all the phones offered where big & ugly designed. If I really got to choice whatever I want I simply would had wanted my old phone that is half-dead, but they don't offer that one anymore. So new phone it is......

Wonderful evening in West Village!

I just had a wonderful evening in West Village at Smörgåschef, a Swedish inspired restaurant. Met with two women, one an interior designer and one a psychologist. Lots of laughs and a great time. I had vegetarian meatballs with potatoes, brown sauce, cucumber & carrot salad and lingonberries. Excellent choice and so good. 

I really want to go for brunch one day at that restaurant! Such a cozy location on the corner of a street in the middle of West Village. Really nice interior and super nice people working there. Definitely much better than their location in Midtown.

I was so happy yesterday! I was just walking around with a stupid smile on my face on the way back home. So many people, so much to do and still so much to discover in this city. It's just a matter of approaching it with a positive attitude. The comment about me yesterday: "You are one of those! Approaching things left and right to get them done and find a solution,haha. Also a very, very strong person." Thank you. I guess I had learnt to survive in all weathers and the mission right now is to branch out to new people and continue to build a new world. Giving up is not just an option. I have done this so many times.

All fixed!

I now feel as my dad wold say "Feeling like a new person" or maybe something my mom would say, haha. I have been in the bath tube and I have been all soaked. All fixed. Ready, set, go. And yes, I do feel a bit like a new person. I feel shiny, somehow.

Bought two new dresses. One is black and has cool pleats at the waist and cool sleeves. I look like my actual age in that dress, haha. Or maybe not, at least it has grown up points. Whatever. It's a cool dress. Also bought a blue toned dress that is very summery. Excellent to wear to work with a tank top under. I really had to get some dresses. It's H O T outside and going outside in anything not involving dresses, skirts or shorts is suicide. It's gluing against the body heat outside and it's staying for some time. In order to not collapse in this heat, I had to find some new suitable clothes.

Fire in the work building...

Quite some action at work today! The fire alarm went off and of course everyone ignored it. We had a fire drill some weeks ago so everyone though it was just another one. Turned out it wasn't.... First the alarm went off in the hallway and then it went off in the office - LOUD & CLEAR SIGNAL - Get the hell out of there! 

The owner got a scared face and we all started walking down the stairs. Turned out there was some kind of elevator fire on the 6th or the 7th floor. All people from all floors were walking down. So many people! We only walked from the 12th floor and still it took FOREVER to get down. Outside there were firetrucks, firemen and a huge gathering of people. 

Well, the building survived. I guess it was just a mini fire or what it now was. It was still scary though. If a real fire would happen in that building we would be screwed. I do not even want to think about stuff like that. I should put in as a requirement for a new job that I do not work on a higher floor than the 3rd, haha. Floors and high buildings in this city can be scary.

More movies...

Yesterday I saw "Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist". It was ok. Probably would be more appreciated by a 15 year old that is dreaming of NYC. Oh well, more movies to come.... I'm addicted to my Netflix, like a d d i c t e d...

The weekend..

Quite an eventful weekend. Friday at work was ok. My boss called me and wanted me to do approvals for her that she hadn't done and she is always out of the office on Fridays. In an attempt to bribe me to do them for her the following conversation developed:

"Linda, I just have to say thank you. You are really smart. I just have to say that."
"Well, thank you."
"I really mean that. You are smart. It really took you no time at all to catch up with us what we are doing."
"It's similar to what I did before."
"Yes, that might be, but even so some people never get it. You just catch on and do it. Your mom should be really proud of you."
"Ha, thanks, I will tell her that, she will be happy."
"Do that, I mean it. Your smart and you do a great job. Thank you."

I guess they love me at that place. I'm a little bit weirded out by conversations like this though. I have a feeling that she is trying to bribe me and if my co-worker that is her cad artist decides to drop out of her job, I will take over. I just get that feeling. Sucking up, that's what she is doing. Lately the mistakes that have been happening have not been mine, they have been my co-workers... Which is not good. We had a circles print that due to my co-worker sending it out, the circles got 50% smaller than what it should be... Her response to that: "Oh please, who cares about these stupid circles. The buyer will not even know the difference for the size of the circle print."
Ok......................... Comments like that are not going to fly for a long time. That means you are done with this job and if the owner would hear that, she would be out of the door in no time.

Friday afternoon/evening I spent at Kirsten's place. Kelly was in LA so it was me and her drinking wine, she making a picnic and watched part of "Marley & Me". Great time. Girl talk, hanging out, laughs and just realizing that I have a GREAT friend that is just growing and growing on me.

Spent the night at Kirsten's place and woke up with a breakfast pie in front of my face. Kirsten is amazing! She had been up, walked Mush, bought breakfast and had fixed a salad for the picnic. Kelly was back and the three of us went to the beach. SUPER nice day. I burnt my scalp though. Hurts as hell. Next time for the beach I need to get a hat. I managed to not get burnt anywhere really, except some small parts on my body and my head, of all the places, got burnt. Crazy, never happened before.

Today I spent my day at Celina's place. Met her little brother that is visiting from Korea. Helped her sort out stuff to sell on Craiglist and listed stuff for her. Have a really, really great friend in Celina too. I'm going to be so sad when she leaves in 10 days, for good to Korea. 5 years of friendship in this city. We're complete opposites by she is a super friend. If anyone could ever tell the story of my life in this city over the years, she would be the one. We shared the happy moments, visa situations, horrible times, crying on the phone, happiness on the phone, exhibition fever and just... GREAT times.

People come and go in this city. That's just NYC. It just becomes harder and harder for every year. I feel that I can't do this anymore to see people coming and going. I miss people. Oh well, this is not going to end up in some sadness over missed people blog entrance. So I"m finished here.

Entertained...

Just saw "As good as it gets". Haha, that was funny! I even found myself laughing out loud when slightly DIFFICULT Melvin was in action. When he introduced Carol the waitress to Simon the fag it was just hilarious. No concern whatsoever how to introduce people and that you do not need to introduce them with what they are according to yourself. Also Melvin's slightly crazy cd collection for the trip they had to take was also entertaining: "For emergency only", "To get to know each other."... Crazy. That was good. Can't believe I haven't seen it before.

Sunday, Sunday...

My room is still a disaster but I was able to fix it a bit by getting hooks for the door. Seriously, one of those super smart inventions. Hooks that go over the door. Doesn't take much to impress me, haha. Now at least I have a solution for my shoe thing. Next thing is to hang my mirror. Making progress in this mess.

Also I ran into my neighbor. The same one that was trying to find Laila, my roommate, like... eh... 2 1/2 month ago. Anyway me and this guy talked that time he was looking for Laila and now was the first time I saw him again. He seems cool, photographer. He has a little bit of an air of desperation though about his profession in this economy. I gave him my email and now a few hours later I got an email about some "memorable experience" showing some of his photos and him meeting some singer. Is this the the new way of advertising yourself or what? I'm confused. Felt like some kind off weird sales call. Am I supposed to get impressed by this? So weird.
Have a feeling that I will get more emails from this guy. I'm so not interested in making friends with this guy, but would love to get to know his roommate! The roommate of his I have seen twice in the hallway but never got around to talk to.
This guy even remembered my name though. Did I make such an impression to be remebered so many months later? Unbelivable. I had even forgot that he lives down there on the 1st floor.

Okidoki.

I want to go paddling!

Omg! I want to go paddling! They have free paddling in Long Island City every Friday and Sunday. I really want to to this! Was trying to convince Kacy to join but that seems like it's not going to work out. Not good. I'm super excited after I read about this! You have to participate in a lottery for the Friday paddling.. I guess it's pretty popular?

I hate to do stuff on my own. It's boring and I have no one to talk to. Grr! I guess that's the option though since people are traveling. Oh well, let's see what will happen.

Inpatienent...

So inpatient... I got itch in my legs again. At the same time I'm so tired that I could fall asleep this second. Reading a book, thinking... Half-sleeping in my hammock.

Learning from mistakes and history is important. I was on the messenger with my nephew and started to think about how much I have learnt over the years. Sometimes I think that I'm still the same person that I was when I was 20 and then I talk to someone that is 20 and I realize that I really have learnt.
Apparently my nephew is job hunting. Not really sure what the status is on the hunting if it's even happening. Anyway, directly I had three million ideas what he could do. Maybe I should had been a coach? I really love this with brainstorming and coming up with ideas for other people.
It's pretty funny though. Me and my nephew like the same music. I said that Movits! is my favorite right now and he goes: "I know! They are great! Ever heard of the Embassy?" Got a youtube link so now I'm going to explore that. I'm pretty sure I heard them a while ago but forgot about it.... Oh I used to listen to them. Just realized that when I listened to another song by them.
I feel guilty though. I completely gave up on finding music that I like and all of that. No interest or time I guess. So much that have gotten neglected that I used to love. I'm really fighting this to happen again. I feel that it's in the air again, me getting 300% absorbed in my job and stress is getting a bite of me. I love that feeling but at the same time I hate it. I do not want to be a robot again when you work, work, work and then when you have time off you forget what you like to do or you are too tired to get inspired to do something. This with balance, I guess it's not my thing. It has to be though, I have decided that. There is so much to do on this planet and there is just one life.

I really want to go to IKEA this weekend. I'm so sick of having stuff piled up in my room along the walls. It really doesn't feel like I'm really living here as I haven't got new furniture for the once I sold. Anyway, I'm not sure how the stuff will get from IKEA. I tried to get M to do a favor and drive me there and then the stuff would have a nice ride in the car back to my place. Didn't really succeed with the idea though. Even tried to suggest that I could bribe him with beer. Maybe also adding a comment that he would be the super duper star of the weekend for doing the effort of helping me. Oh well, I guess that's not going to happen. Guess I have to live without new furniture until I find someone that owns a car, whenever that now will happen. Annoying. I should just grow 14 arms, 10 heads and like 25 legs and my problem would be solved. Until then....Grr...

Hide & Seek...

Yesterday I saw "Hide & Seek". Scary stuff! Even had to turn on the light in the end, I got a little bit afraid... Dakota Fanning was in the movie and she was damn good. Her eyes in a brown dead hair color was just scary. She kept staring right out in the air. Well, it was good! I had to close my eyes though when the dad in the family found the cat drowned in blood in the bath tube, including when all the other bath tube and blood scenes came up too. For someone into psychological thrillers, this is the movie to see. I think I concluded after this that I'm not a huge fan of these types of movies, even if this one was good.

Now I have to figure out what else I want to see. I'm really on a movie journey here to see everything I ever want to see. Netflix is seriously one of the best inventions ever. I love this! It's so smart.

Almost Friday...

Thursday. Sleepy day #1 for sure. Feeling dizzy and confused. Not really sure what's happening around me. Kirsten called me. She's on the way to Buffalo to hang with her family. Ok. Everyone are out on adventure except me basically.

I feel very restless. Want to do so much but I can't focus. Listing to weirdo music. I'm going to go to bed soon and watch a movie. Exhausted. The speed right now at work is HERE. Really. Soon I'm simply just going to say: "I got to arms, two legs and one head. Until I start growing more limbs just deal with that things take time." But that's not happening and until then I'm just saying: "Will be done asap."
Look at the technical designer or the cad artist and exchange looks and start to laugh. Today I was instructing the technical designer how we were changing one of our garments and when she walked away I ended with a happy & energetic: "Next weeks it's something else! This is the story for now! YAY!"
The technical designer started laughing. How much me and her fix and do our best to maintain everything stuff are always changing. What was news yesterday is ancient the day after. Things go FAST there. One day make a garment 2" shorter, next day make it an 1" longer and the 3rd day make it 3" longer. One day everything should be Bermudas, next day leggings, and then back to Bermudas again. Never ending. Better just to take it with a laugh and just fix it. That's how we deal with stuff even though I after the past week feel like I lost my head.

Jahapp. Bedtime. I'm passing out.

Good times!

Had a really nice evening yesterday with Tina in Williamsburg. Found some Mexican food and ate too much beans. Went to a bar with a backyard and just hanged out. Slightly weird crowd hanging out in the backyard but whatever. Went to Tina's place and drank some beers, played cards, borrowed a stack of Swedish pocket books, talked a lot of crap and took a walk at the rooftop of Tina's building. Could see the Empire State building from there. Really nice and relaxing. It feels really great to have a friend to can talk to and there is not really any pressure of any kind. You just hang out. I love it.

I still just have two arms & two legs...

So tired it's unbelievable. SUPER tired. I f I lay down on my bed right this second I would fall asleep in a minute. So much to do at work. I feel that I'm starting to get an attitude (not a bad one, just someone that is one fire to get everything done!). Whenever I hear my name I'm continuing to work while I say with an expected voice: "What happened?" Because something ALWAYS happens. Not involving me but with my boss: "Sketch this!", "Do you like this?", "How do I do this?", "What is this?", "Where can I find this?".... The questions over a day are just so many. My co-worker does the same thing when she hears her name: "Yeeeeeees, what happened?" Some days it's funny but today I just got fed up, first day ever. I have two arms and two legs, that's it. During the day I was trying to send emails to the vendor overseas, sketch 4 styles, send a packages to Bangladesh, figure out how to get the package to Bangladesh, print out x amount of tech packs, figure out why my Mac doesn't understand the tech designer,s PC Excel specs.... including have my boss on the other ear: "Linda, are you working on something? We need to sketch this..." Sometimes I just don't get it why my boss doesn't take a class in Illustrator or general computer knowledge. It would make all of our lives so much more easier, seriously.

I'm getting speedy though. Also on the level when people know that I know so they want to ask me. That's how it should be. I'm a superstar.

Two legs, two arms and that's just not enough!

I need to go to IKEA to get a drawer and a book shelf for my room. I'm getting so tired of all the stuff that are piled up in my room along the walls. As I only have two legs and two arms I'm not really sure how I will get the stuff from IKEA. This will be hard. Seriously, can't I just grow like 14 arms or something? Grr! I really don't want to wait for the stuff to get delivered and it feels like such a waste to just buy two things and get it delivered. What to do, what to do....

Sleepy...

So I'm reading a book. It's pretty bad but I still can't stop reading it. It's ridiculous. So yesterday I stayed up too late to read this book that's not even that good, just addicting. So stupid. I used to read a lot of books years back and then I just stooped because I get so obsessed.

Time to go to work. Have a feeling that today will be madness. Not for me, but for my boss and my co-worker. The owner and his partner want to see the new fall styles sketched and well, it's not all done and what is done I would say is just ok. Nothing over the top and super exciting.

On repeat...

I can't stop listing to this. Movitz and this song is my new favorit. I just put it on repeat, which is dangerous, as I soon will hate it. But until then, I listen and I love it. So good!

Itchy legs!

God, today I feel so inpatient it's unbelievable. I really wanted to go to the beach but that didn't happen sadly enough. I really want to go tomorrow but no one has any time. So sad. Am I ever going to get to the beach again?

I feel weird today. Just strange. I'm here but at the same time I'm not really here. I want to do something but people are busy or away. Really sucks. I have to wait until Monday until something exciting will happen.

Spent my day in Central Park at a blanket reading a book and eating x amount of cheese crackers. Now I feel sick. Was really nice though. Just listening to birds and just enjoying the weather. It's supposed to rain tomorrow so I guess I have to take advantage of every single sunny day out there.

I saw Rufus the dog yesterday! Exciting! Rufus - the good looking doggie male. I still think it's a lie that Rufus is 12 years old.

In hanging out with Rufus it also meant I also hanged out with M. I guess that was slightly awkward and weird at certain times. Also I get a little bit too much pushing the buttons at times. It just happens. It takes time to heal certain things. I'm convinced that once the wind has blown, which takes time, and wounds have healed we will be good friends. It just takes time. It was good though. Healthy. I got it out, not really sure if M. did but I feel refreshed. Also I was really surprised that I was able to say my point of view without hearing an annoying voice saying that that he doesn't want to talk about this and that I'm just wrong. Making progress in this with communication.

Some things are just not meant to be how much you even wanted them to be or work. Then once time has passed and we learn from mistake we realize that it's just too late and we can only learn from our mistakes. It sucks, yes it does, but some things are just not fixable how much you even want to fix them. Also if they were fixable, they are not healthy. This is for the best and I know it.