Happy mood!

I'm feeling happy! Have spent my Sunday evening in Brooklyn, next to Prospect Park. Hanged out with Kirsten and Kelly. Tried two different places, one German bar/restaurant and one wine bar. Excellent weather, great talks and summer in the air! This is when NYC shows it best sides, the newer ending new places to try & areas to discover. I love it! I really feel happy & now I'm going to bed to embrace a new crazy week tomorrow. Pls let this week be good..... Is next week going to be my week of luck? I really hope so! I think I had to many things to struggle with for the past month that I don't need more. Pls?

My little friend...

Yesterday I spent my Saturday evening with Emma 4 years old. Realized that she's my little friend that makes me happy no matter what. I'm not feeling my best right now and just want to bury myself in my bed to not wake up until the storm is over. Emma still manages to put a smile on my face though. It's absolutely amazing that a little person like this can make me smile. It just makes me happy.

Need to go to bed!

I am TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRED. Stayed at work until 7.30pm. We had to print out fall & spring catalog and 5 of us were trying to stress the printer to go faster (no success). Had to wait 1 1/2h to get a printout to come out. In the end the printer gave up and turned off itself and we gave up. Enough.

Now I'm tired, ate some dinner and watched a weirdo "Spelling Bee Championship" on tv. If I ever have a kid it would seriously freak me out if my kid wanted to ever be on a competition like that. The kids are around 12-13 years old and stand there with their pants to their armholes, glasses, weird hairstyles and just..... GEEK. Is even a spelling bee competition a sport? So weird. This is what happens when my roommate takes control of the remote that I get to watch these stupid things.

Other than that I got 2 paychecks today for my last 2 weeks. YAY! Exciting stuff, I'm normal again. I feel normal. Just have to solve my visa and I'm up and running again. People that don't think I work are so wrong. This company is so small that every single thing you do gets attention. If you don't work, you're screwed. If you work but not fast enough, you're screwed. If you work fast, then you are ok. I seriously need to speed up.

Tomorrow is Jewish Holiday! YAY for that too! I have no idea what holiday but I'm off. Sleeping in is the deal. I'm going to bed now, passing out. I can't even keep my eyes open.

VA I HELVETE!

DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA..... Involving reporting my visa lawyer for fraud, sinus infection, got my stuff from M's place - We're done, new attorney and more drama..... I seriously can't handle more. The gigantic list just gets longer and longer and longer and longer and longer... What exactly did I deserve to get to deal with all of this? When is someone going to take care of me? Help me? I have NO flow right now. Tomorrow's big mission is to find a doctor. The bill for that is going to be $300.... What the hell! Whatever. I get paid on Friday for 2 weeks. Need to go to bed.

Oh the confusion!

So from my understanding my visa is now fixable. Basically what I have to do is to go back to Sweden and re-apply for my visa. Crazy. I seriously want to strangle my attorney and never talk to her again. Such an idiot. I sent a long email how I feel about her handling of my case and that I want an honest reply what will happen with my visa. Have to wait until tomorrow as it's memorial day holiday today, to get a reply.

NYC, never ever trust one person to handle something. Always seek out several people to tell you how the situation is. I am so TIRED and SICK of this. I'm not sure how I will get my employer to understand that I have to leave for some weeks to get my new visa. It's almost an impossible scenario. Oh well, whatever happens happens. As long as I get some paychecks from my current company I guess it should be fine. How on earth did I end up in this situation??

Give up?

So I thought this through and I just don't want to fight for this visa anymore. I'm going to do that last attempt and see what will happen. According from what I have read my visa will be denied, no matter what. I'm not really sure what to do with my employer. Figured that I should probably work some weeks and just get the money back for the visa and then tell him straight up the situation. They can always find someone new. It's more devastating for me. With this scenario I can end up in Sweden in a matter of less than a month. Never ever think that all problems are solved....
I guess I'm back at Plan B to study in Sweden. Whatever. I could cry about this and get upset about most stuff right now but it's simply not going to help. I really don't feel like fighting anymore.

I'm really sad about M. though. So damn low. I wrote an e-mail about my situation and he can't even take the courtesy to write back.

What I'm learning from this experience is: Never go to another plan when you already started one. I should had simply moved when I started selling my furniture. I was even in the middle of writing an e-mail to my current employer to say no to the job, instead I changed my mind. Stuff like this happen when I don't follow my guts and get distracted by everything around me. Am I really that stupid?

Disaster life.

This week has been one of the most intense in years. The following have been concluded:

1. I have been out of status from my visa without knowing it. Slightly hysteric meeting at my lawyer. Two people trying to come up will all various solutions for the problem. Apparently it's fixable but I have to go to Canada to get my visa. Seriously, so complicated that I almost want to just leave. I am so SICK of this.

2. I'm sick. Really bad. My new boss thought I had swine flu. Who knows what I have. It's not good that's for sure. I can't breath, cough and the rest that comes with being sick. This has been going on for 6 days. I'm really hoping I will get better in the next days.

3. Started my new job Monday. Went ok for the first day and then these four people that run the company thought that I apparently didn't speed up enough. What happened to learning time? That was apparently not on the plate. I'm supposed to sketch 10 styles a day, including all other stuff, no exception. As I got nervous of the whole situation I got to know the girl sitting next to me that is a CAD Artist and she explained that they expect people to just sit down first day at work and be superman. Doesn't help that I'm sick and that slow things down as hell and my computer & drawing pen are going CRAZY. Hopefully better next week. I only have to work 3 days btw. Monday is Memorial day and Friday is Jewish Holiday.

4. Being alone sucks. Seriously. Am I supposed to do everything by myself now? What sucks most though is that when you don't have something you understand what you lost. I'm the loser in this case. I find myself not entertained by anything at all. All the stress, sickness of this week, no lunch - made me lose weight, something that didn't need to happen. So this week and next week I'm going to dedicate to eating even though I have to cook for myself which is deadly boring. I"m just not entertained by this situation at all.

5. Sleeping in your hammock on the balcony due to no air conditioner is just plain stupid. I woke up this morning and now I have this pain in my right armhole. Not really sure what happened but it hurts. Idiot, that's all I have to say about myself.

6. I own no clothes. Nothing. Everything is just so blah. With a slim boss that's in her 60's and dressed in fashionable tops, slim jeans, 10 cm/4" heels EVERY day, perfectly dyed hair & makeup - I feel like something that the dog dragged in. Have to update my closet.

7. I got a nice neighbor. Such a weird story. Yesterday I heard a knock on the door when I was passed out on the couch, wondering if I ever would wake up again. I go and open the door and an Asian guy is standing there asking for Laila, my roommate. I say that Laila is probably in her room, he goes there and knock on the door, no reply. The guy starts to talk and apparently he has moved in on the first floor with a roommate. He's a fashion photographer, had met Laila in the hallway and he now wanted to show his portfolio. As Laila didn't open the door I ended up talking to this person, saw his portfolio - ok - lots of work for Zac Posen.
My slightly "i-don't-like-ppl-in-the-apartment" roommate Joanna shows up. She leaves but when she comes back says:
"Who was that?"
"Our new neighbor on the first floor."
"So? What's he doing here?"
"Looking for Laila."
"He doesn't have to be here."

Ever thought it could be nice to just small talk? I actually ended up having a 30 minutes talk with this guy about fashion, photography, design industry, NYC life, apartments and exchange of business cards. Always something, new contacts are always good.

Now I'm going to get ready to meet Kirsten! She has Penny this week - Yay! Her mini pincher dog. Slightly crazy dog but so cute! Hanging out is always good. I just have to go to the pharmacy to hunt down some over the counter medication. Doctor is not an option here as I don't have insurance.

The big day!

Tomorrow Monday 9 am is my big day! First day at my new work. Pls, pls, pls, pls, pls let this work out! I know what I can but this have to be PERFECT, otherwise I'm screwed. Somehow I'm nt that nervous though. When I believe that I can do something I don't get nervous. Get the party started, time to be a superstar!

English vs. Swedish?

I really want my blog to be in both English and Swedish. How to solve it? Is there a way to link google translator?

Felling happy!

I woke up and I feeling happy! Listing to music that's adding up to an even happier feeling. Everything will be ok. I now know what I want.

I met Ashley, an old co-worker, on the subway last night. Haven't seen her for 6 months and she was asking how I was doing. When I was talking to her I realized that even though stuff have been up and down things are good, I'm actually ok. When she asked how I felt about not working there anymore I said: "Oh there? This is the best that ever happened in my life. I'm so happy!"
Americans say that and don't mean it, but I mean it. The last 6 months have been the best months in my life. They ended like shit the past weeks but hey, life goes on. I feel ready to start now.

When I got home I wrote an e-mail that I have been dreading and realized that I didn't care anymore. Of course I'm sad but when stuff don't work you get sad, get it out and find new adventures. I'm so damn good.

Oh, have to tell about yesterdays weird experience. Met up with Kirsten and two of her friends. No idea where they were going but they went to an burlesque show. Don't even ask why anyone would want to go for that when it involves half-naked women (what happened to they guys?) Oh well, stupidity.
One of the people I hanged out with was Swedish, 19 years old. Apparently she had never finished high school, just went one semester in Sweden and after that she has been working. Wow, who doesn't finish high school? I so do not get that, made me feel like I was 65 or something, haha. But somehow I am happy that I'm the age I am, knowing more. When I was 19-25 I was messed up. It took me many years to feel content with everything, before that everything was just a circus.

Anyway, got out and walked Manhattan up in the rain. I was thinking and realized that I'm a nice person, too nice and I want things to work to any price. For me failure is just not on my plate but sometimes you just have to let it go and yesterday I did. Time heals, we all know that. Been there, done that. Life is to amazing to not be happy! With that said I'm starting my new job tomorrow and I'm going to make them love me from the first minute. Hey, I'm Linda and I'll survive in all weathers.

New life, new times.

My new job starts on Monday! I'm starting to get nervous... Maybe not nervous, more anxious that I will not perform on the level that they want. I'm good at what at what I do but in NYC you have to deliver otherwise you are out. Also this with office politics plays in. Whatever. I shouldn't think about this. I have 2 1/2 days off until my time of floating is over.

I have finished almost everything I need to do before I start to work full-time. Including that I got my last paycheck from my old job and it was more than I thought it would be. Not really sure if the payroll manager got confused.... Not really my problem though! This was wonderful news and a huge surprise when I checked my account.

New times, new adventures. Monday 9am it is!

Teaching the kids how to shop...

This is so weird! Taby Kommun, where my parents currently live in Sweden, are now organizing a camp for 11-13 year old girls to experience a "Girl & The City" camp during the summer. Basically the camp is about learning to shop and the city. Inspired by "Sex an the City"... Are they CRAZY? The strangest thing is when the person organizing the camp at the end of the article says:
"There is something very sensitive in the girls and their interests. But I think we can try to get into discussions on the ideals from the other side. Are the girls too skinny, we may as well get the opportunity to fed them some pastries ... if you know what I mean."
Check out some more here about the camp...

I'm pretty sure these people working for the county, have lost their mind.... and they wonder why kids in today's society get messed up!

Strong.

Today I feel strong. Extremely strong. I feel that no matter what happens I will be ok. Life is tough, yes it is. But there is so many interesting things out there and it's time to get going again. Hello life!

Woke up by my phone and that my mom was calling. Ignored the first time, still sleeping and then she called again an hour later. Figured that I should wake up and my mom was hysteric when I finally picked up. Apparently I have several late fees in Sweden for a card I haven't paid for. Never use this card and every year I keep saying that I should cancel it then forget about it. Now they were going to keep slamming me with late fess but apparently my dad called them and said that he would quit his account with them if they wouldn't take away the last late fee from my account. I mean I'm not even aware of that I'm late with this nor that I should pay it. According to the customer service people: "I should know, no matter what and always have money prepared to pay their fees. " Eh? So I called them up and canceled the card and everything. No more that I'm dealing with idiots, this is not the first time.

Patience is a good thing which I don't have.

ZERO patience. For the past hour I have wanted to jump up and down in my apartment and scream right out. Realized that this behavior wouldn't be the best as my landlord lives in the apartment under, or my roommate next door would appreciate this behaviour. So here I'm sitting. Frustrated as hell, with myself and other things. I feel like a complete fool. Idiot. Incompetent. At the same time mad as hell.

Today I walked from Brooklyn Heights, over Brooklyn Bridge to Manhattan, Broadway up.... All to get out some of my energy. On Broadway I made a HUGE discovery... When I moved to NYC in '03 we found a sewing supply/yarn store on Broadway in Chinatown. Always thought that this store closed some years ago, I was very sad when I learned that... Now when I was walking on Broadway I see a similar store at another location, I pass by, walk back, look at the name, continue to walk and then walk back again, walk inside and see the same people that worked at that other store there! It's impossible. They moved???? Or did they start up a new business with the new things and just smaller space?? I guess so!! It was all there. The wonderful buttons, yarns, fabrics and all other stuff that can be needed for making something. All at half the price from the garment district in Midtown. This is amazing news. I just had to walk around and touch everything....

Also found a pair of sunglasses at Forever21. I like sit friendly glasses as I have a tendency to break them sooner or later. Hopefully these glasses will last the summer and not break in the bag as my pair from last summer. Oh the issues, haha. At least stuff like sunglasses distract my frustrated mind. Less than a week until I start to work, new life coming up. Dammit, I could had been traveling around the world instead of working. For the moment I want to be anywhere else except NYC. That's the level things are on right now! Oh well, I guess this will be good too. The people at the new job seem nice. Nice people are always a positive sign.

Thank you diary!

When I feel lost and I'm not really in control of the situation, need to go back and see how I felt before, I go to my diary. This time I'm very thankful that it does exist. "Am I blind?????" was what I concluded. Start to wonder about my mental condition on this planet. I got to have one of the most stubborn and everything-can-be-solved attitude ever existed. Such an idiot, that's what I have to say about myself! Grrr!

I'm a bit entertained by myself though. I need to catch that feeling again, that mood, that embrace of the moment. Almost naive probably, but it's good sometimes in certain situations. New times, new life. I'm pretty sure that I'm in some months will have new adventures. With or without the person. This is out of my control, I have done my contribution.

Other than that I have today visited DMV, dear and beloved Department of Motor Vehicle. No, I did not buy a car. People go there to get their IDs. I have concluded after getting to argue with bouncers and deli people that I do need a NYS license. My Swedish drivers license is no longer useful.
Sometimes I have to argue with people that it's me on the picture due to that I have black hair and bangs on it. What I do not understand though is that if these people are questioning my identity, if I would fake it, why on earth would I pick a Swedish drivers license to do it??? Seriously! Talk about stupid. Well, to solve this dilemma I contemplated between coloring my hair black or simply getting a state license.. So I went to DMV, should had done it years ago. Talk about collection of all types of people at that place. In the middle of everything a Buddhist monk passed by! In a whole orange monk outfit. Do monks really need ID cards? Hm.
Anyway, mission accomplished and my non-drivers ID card will be sent in the mail to my address in 2 weeks. Valid for 8 years, definitely worth the 2h wait time and dealing with weirdo DMV people working there.

Orange outfit spotted at DMV, here is just a picture of how it looked like.

Feeling like shit.

I'm really feeling like shit even though I shouldn't. Feeling like someone put a deadly heavy weight on my head and I can't move. I'm doing something but I'm not really doing it. I so wish things were easy- they are not.

I feel sad. I am sad. I just want to go outside and run, run, run, RUN without any stop. That's what I used to do sometimes when I was younger to get out my frustrations. Just run, run, run and cleaning the head. Well I don't have my running shoes so I can't run. Also I feel that this time it's not going to work. I just have to wait out myself, day by day.

I want real summer weather.

Alone, cold weather outside even though the sun is shining, tired, sad, allergy eyes and weird feelings growing.

Yesterday I had a great evening though! Visited Kirsten's painting studio in DUMBO. Had some drinks at "the local water hole" as Kirsten called it, haha. Saw this woman Leiha's amazing apartment and ended up on the rooftop at on of the neighbours. Sun, perfect weather, Manhattan skyline with Brooklyn & Williamsburg Bridges.... Absolutely gorgeous! Watching the sun go down and the weather still maintaining a nice heat. Continued with Kirsten and Kelly to SOHO and drank a Godiva Chocolate Martini and ate some Nachos. Summer is here!

Seriously?

What on earth am I doing? Seriously? I should just stop this whole crap deal and just rethink, new strategy, replan, start fresh and hello life. It if just was that easy, as of anything ever would be easy. Other than that I got lost in Brooklyn today, after walking for 1 1/2h.

Got x amount of cute hugs from Emma 4 years old. Emma will be DEVASTATED when she realizes that I no longer will be her little friend, as I don't have the same amount of time to babysit when I work full-time. Still offered to do some evenings and weekends with Emma though - I have reached the conclusion that me and this 4 year old get along awesome. I enjoy playing Memory 5 times in a row, doing 100 piece puzzles and just reflect over the easy entertainment of these young little people. The conversations with these little people are also entertaining, lots of "Why? Why so? Why that?"... The never ending questions and the questions can for sure be weird and entertaining! Not like my new co-workers, age like 40+, will have funny and entertaining questions.... The level there will be completely different.

Oh the restless mind.

I'm feeling restless. I haven't felt this way since I used to work. Even though I'm not working yet I'm getting that ITCH that every single minute of my life now have to be ACTION in order to compensate for all the hours spent at a job. Hopefully tomorrow will be better, now I'm going to bed. All done with watching "Gossip Girl", "Medium" and "Jay Leno". Mondays are all about these shows.

"Medium" was deadly scary! Me and Joanna were watching it with fear and commenting. Joanna ended the 2 hour episode with a loud: "NOOOOOOOOOO, I have to wait a WHOLE week for seeing the end!" when "To be continued..." came up. A whole week until the mystery will be solved, this is good stuff. We are GLUED to the mystery of the moment.

It's all my roommate's fault, I have gotten a little bit addicted to "Medium".

Yoshi!

I seriously would like to see my mom on "Sondagsparty with Filip & Fredrik." My mom would be on the same level as that Yoshi guy speaking English. I know, you should be nice to your mom and I am, it's just a mystery for me though that basically everyone speaks English in Sweden except my mom. Can they fly my mom to NYC? She would for sure be a character on the show.

Funny!

I was looking through my old blog, trying to find a specific event many years ago that I knew that I wrote about. I couldn't find it but instead I found this! Hilarious! I apparently had a dream and a lot of my relatives were involved. I am slightly entertained that I felt a need to write this down.

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konsig dröm nu igen
2001-05-06 09:41:43
Konstig dröm igen. Åkte Roslagsbanan med mamma o Sarah o så hade de såna små mathörnor. Där stod min farmor o serverade filmjölk till passagerarna. Det var massa annan mat också och jag blev helt fast så jag glömde kliva av där jag skulle kliva av och hamnade istället i Täby Kyrkby ensam. Täby Kyrkby visade sig vara värsta Norrland med granar, buskar och läskiga djur. Snabbt började jag röra mig på spåret för att börja gå hem...hinner inte över bron och tåget kommer o det slutar med att jag får hänga under bron och det jag tänker på är att Leo ska få min sista filmrulle.
Jag överlever i alla fall bron och hamnar på andra sidan...men kommer bort från spåret och hamnar på landet. Mamma dyker upp med en kamera och ska fota älgar, men älgen visar sig vara Patrick. Helt sjukt! Fast jag kommer ihåg att det var väldigt goda mackor i mathörnan.

Allergy hell.

Yesterday I woke up with my right eye being all RED. I didn't notice it but then I took a look in the mirror and got afraid. Looked like somebody hit me! Got a picture of this disaster on my phone. Anyway, today I have been half-sleeping on the couch, allergy hell is killing me and my my eye is on the recovery face, still itching insanely on the eye though.

I got pollen allergies 2 years ago or something. Informed my mom of these allergies and she got all excited (eh?): "I got allergies when I was 25 too! It's nothing strange with that!"
Ok..... It's wonderful that I can make my mom's day with that she feels a huge connection with me due to getting allergies at the same age. I'm less entertained though. I'm tired, confused, everything hurts and had to scare my roommate that I might have swine flu. She didn't believe me. Well, I don't either, just this allergy hell.