Turn?

When all goes down the drain and I'm in the middle of selling my furniture to move to the other side of the planet.... What happens? Yesterday I get a call from a company and I went for the interview today. They are giving me a proposal on Monday and we're going to apparently to discuss my salary. Hm. This went fast....
Haven't mentioned my visa, will do that on Monday if they get back to me. Never know with these companies, the market is rough. They seemed to love me though and they loved that I had worked for my old company. Of course they are Jewish too, what else is new...
Okidoki.... Whatever comes up I guess is good. 200 resumes sent out since December and this is one of the few outcomes. Isn't job hunting lovely in a recession? If I succeed with this I'm a officially a SUPERSTAR.

Not letting the boss out?

This is kind of funny.... Or maybe more a sign of people's desperation in these times. In France at two different companies the employees have locked their boss in his office... For several days! Refusing to let go of their hostage until the boss and the company are ready to negotiate with the people that are getting laid off..... Oh my.... Pretty French though. I lived in France and they LOVE to organize a strike about anything on this planet.

Just as in America people in France are pissed about top executives bonuses. Understandable. No one should get a bonus if the company is not preforming well, that's common sense.

It's only getting worse....

Today this hit my inbox..... No Career Fair coming up. Not that my experience with the first one a month ago was great but have to try everything... This market is DEAD so all attempts count.

"This is XXXXX from XXXXXXXX. I'm writing to let you know
that, due to economic conditions, we will not be hosting a career fair in
New York this Spring. Unfortunately, not enough companies are hiring
right now.

Since we've already booked (and paid for) the room, our plan is to host a
day of seminars designed to help fashion industry professionals improve
their chances of getting a job. We are in the process of assembling an
all-star cast of fashion industry recruiters who will speak on the
following topics:

- Resume Writing
- Portfolio Creation
- Freelancing for Designers
- Freelancing for Non-Designers
- Find a Job with Social Networking Sites
- Do's & Don'ts of Internet Job Searches
- Finding your first job in the Fashion Industry
- Transitioning from Retail to Wholesale
- and any other topics you think might help job seekers during this
difficult time

Our plan is to have one morning and one afternoon workshop. Each workshop
will have 5 seminars, of which, you will be able to attend 3. Tim Gunn
from Project Runway is tentatively scheduled for one of the seminars.

We know these are trying times for fashion industry job seekers and as
such, the workshops will be priced at only $49 advanced purchase and $59
at the door. As an added bonus, attendees will get 3 months of xxxxxx.com
Premium Placement as well. Our hope is that these seminars will help
people improve people's job search skills and ultimately, get a job."

From job fair to job seminar. I'm so not attending. What are all these people going to do without jobs? Starve and get homeless on the street?

Me & the kiddos!

Haha! Forgot to tell the news! I'm going to be a babysitter for the upcoming weeks for a 3 1/2 years old girl and a 8 months baby. Haaaaaaaaaanging out! Said no and completely forgot about this but now the mom seems to really want me to come. Well, that's awesome. Now I might have to extend my stay some more. Ha!

Met Kirsten for some beers and fries this evening. Updating, laughs and just talking makes me happy. Kirsten is the best! She's sad that I might be leaving. All people are sad when I say this and I realize that I met some really great people the past years. It took time but they are there. It's so nice to know that I will be missed.

This with getting an apartment...

So I'm standing in line! For getting a student apartment in Stockholm. I know it's a pain to get an apartment in Stockholm so I simply joined the line for students. Tina's bright idea! Might not be the best of the choices on this planet but hey, got to start somewhere if me and my parents will not get stuck in the same house for a longer time.

It can take years to get an apartment in that line. They have a policy of getting students an apartment within 4 months but that's just bullshit. People wait for yeeeeeeeeeeeeeears. I'm hoping though the by the time, if I start school in August/September that there will be an opening after standing in line for 5 months. And if I don't use this then I can use it later. Doesn't cost anything to stand in line and you can do it as long as you want.

Think ahead is today's deal.

Stockholm

Extending more...

So I have deiced to stay until May 1st. Before it was April 15th and before that April 6th. Feels as if I'm never going to leave. I just can't get myself to book a ticket. Somewhat this starts to sink in though. Today I have sold my book shelf and some other stuff. Making progress of this of downsizing and having less stuff to transport to the other side of the planet.

Out of the blue me and Ubat-Martin have started our messenger conversations again. It's funny! We used to talk every other day some years ago and then it just disappeared. Guess I stopped hanging too much in front of the computer being more involved in other stuff. Anyway, now when I'm at home Ubat-Martin has re-appeared out of nowhere, literally. Everything started with that he commented on my status on Facebook about my slightly incompetent to pay on time roommate. That roommate that also tried to bribe the landlord when she finally paid. Since she paid teen days late she wanted to pay more. We just concluded that this is awful behaviour and people that think they can buy themselves out of everything are just not healthy.

Oh, something else... Yesterday I had a messed up conversation with a older lady on the phone. She so messed with my head! I'm slightly sensitive right now and I take in everything pretty easy even though I shouldn't. This woman called to buy my 35+ yarn balls. Then the conversation somehow turned into that she worked in design and was looking for an assistant. I told her that I 'm leaving because I have a visa and I can't find a job. Then this lady started telling me all sorts of crazy stuff, some of her comments below:

"You have a visa, after being here for 6 years? How come you haven't found a solution for this many years ago? 6 years are a long time! You haven't tried enough. All immigrants come here and make money and then they leave with those money when they should seek citizenship."

- I did my best considering the situation. 6 years are a short time for anything in the US when it comes to get permanent residence. Some people wait 5-10 years to get a green card.

"You know that companies are against hiring foreigners because they are not Americans. We have to help ourselves before the immigrants. You come here and get your education and take jobs."

-Did she also take in the consideration that all these people coming here fuels the economy? A lot of people just study here and that means they only spend, not make money.

"You're wasting you're time selling your stuff on craigslist when you should be spending your time finding a solutions how you can stay in America. No one wants to leave the US. This is the best country on the planet. NOOOO ONE (INTENSE voice) wants to leave this country. Going back, puh! My parents are immigrants and I'm first generation in this country. My parents would NEVER had considered going back."

-Who says that this is the best country on this planet? When you lived in ALL countries on this planet, make your evaluation.

"Your parents got to be very wealthy to have you go to Parsons. I went to FIT."

-Idiot. Why do all people conclude that you are disgustingly rich just because you went to Parsons? I'm not. I ate noddles and starved myself through college to get my education. If it was now, I probably would never do what I did many years ago. It was just crazy. But dreams are dreams and should be fulfilled to any price. Even though it includes killing yourself in the process. I have learnt unique skills of varies kind that most people never will have.
Also, it's just in America where parents pamper there kids 300% and the parents are supposed to pay tuition and all various things for their kids. I got left on my own at 19 years old, no pampering here.

A short summation of this crazy lady. I so should just have hanged up the phone but got sucked up into the conversation. Didn't answer her though what I wrote below.
People that DON'T KNOW the struggles that I have gone through shouldn't even say a thing and yes, if there had been opportunities I would had applied for a green card. It just wasn't possible to do so.

In the end she didn't even buy my yarn balls. Urg! Better success with dealing with crazy people today though. Today we made a profit of $136. Go bananas! My Taiwanese roommate thinks I'm slightly insane and can sell everything. So true. Therefore I do get stuck with weird conversations.

No more.

This with rejection makes me tired. I understand you have to apply for x amount of jobs to get a job but what if you only get rejected? They say it's not your fault but what if the person that's running the interviewing tells you that "don't fit their business needs." Ok, sign that I'm just not the right person, so it is me. I get so tired. All I want is a job, how hard can it be? In this market, impossible it looks like.

Annoyed!

So the guy that wanted the magazines came and picked them up. Impressive. Before that I had an additional conversation with the man on the phone, again the same talk as previous post about how to drive to my apartment. Don't people take notes? Especially when they ask the same thing 10 times? Apparently not. Not to end it there, he calls 3h after he came and picked it up & bought the magazines.

"Do you have a cat in your apartment"
"No, we don't have a cat. We don't smoke. We're clean."
"Oh, that's good. My stepfather just cleaned the whole house and it was dirty and just want to know that these magazines are all clean."
"Ok"
"It was so dirty and I can't be close to anything with cats."
"Ok"
"So thank you for these magazines. Really appreciate it, they are in great condition."
"Ok, good, well now, BYE."
"Yeah, they are in really great condition."
"That's great, BYE!"

This could be upcoming stocker warning. Why call AFTER you bought them. Exchange & Return on Craigslist, I don't think so. I'm a little freaked that he is going to call in 2 days and be like: "Hi, it's Paul. How are you doing Linda? Want to go for a coffee?" The man had those tendency.

We also managed to sell our 8 year old vacuum cleaner for $20. My mom got pissed when I told her this: "You're selling and old vacuum cleaner??? I didn't even know you had one, why not keep it?! You never vacuum the apartment."
Excuse me? So typical my mom to remember that I many years ago told her that we don't own a vacuum cleaner and we don't vacuum, just swipe the floors and clean them with water. Slight cleaning crazy mom thinks this is a crime. Oh well. We haven't used the vacuum, ever. It's loud, take crazy amount of space and we don't want it. Some old roommate before we even lived here bought it.

Other than that my French roommate is driving me CRAZY. The landlord needs to pay his mortgage so his wife is hunting us down for this girl's rent that she hasn't paid. Teen days late! Seriously, this is the second time in two months. I feel like a babysitter/mom to this girl. Pay the god damn rent! She has a full-time job, me and my Taiwanese roommate don't - still we pay on time.
The landlord has been talking to me twice that they NEED the rent, still nothing happens. I just had enough of this bullshit so I called our roommate, she was hiding in her room so instead of waiting for her to pick up I knocked on the door and told her to pay now and APOLOGIZE to the landlord. Still nothing happens. What the fuck is wrong with people?!
Meanwhile this girl wants to buy a couch for $1000 and re-decorate the living room. People's priorities are so weird. Helping my Taiwanese roommate to find a new roommate, that's apparently not even a concern either.
I'm feeling a fight coming in the air. Let this just be smooth. PLEASE. I already have too much on my plate to deal with this crap.

Dealing with people.

People are craaaazy. Yes, they are. At least if they want to buy your old magazines on Craigslist. The older man, named Paul, yesterday called me twice to make sure that he would get the magazines. Second call was about 15 minutes and the conversation went like this:

"I'm looking at a map, but I don't see Woodside Avenue."
"We're in between 41 Avenue and Woodside Avenue so if you see 69th Street and see 41 Avenue you should be able to see Woodside Avenue."
"I don't see it, so do I turn left at 41 Avenue."
"No, as I said, we're on 69th Street."
"So let me ask you this, so 41Avenue is in between Queens Blvd and Roosevelt Avenue."
"I thought you already found 41 Avenue?"
"Yes"
"So coming from Queens Blvd, what side is your house on."
"The right."
"So if I'm coming from Roosevelt Avenue?"
"The left"
"As I said, it's really simple and the street is really short. Just stick to 69th Street and you will find it."
"So let me ask you this, how far away are you from Queens Blvd."

This conversation went on and on and on for 15 minutes, with no result. Seriously, I have nothing against helping lost people but there was no progress. I could never be a teacher. The interesting thing will be is if this buyer will show up and actually pay $25 for this old crap.

My roommate had the same weirdo conversation with a guy that bought her computer. He called for several days saying that he was coming to pick up the computer. Then he finally showed up and wow, crazy computer people are just WEIRD. At least she sold the computer though, I'm hoping for the same luck with getting ride off my old stuff.

Anything can be sold...

The sale of my life 6 years in this country continues. Now I'm selling Vogue & W magazines from 2005-2007. People pay for this, it's pretty fantastic. Seriously, Ebay & Craigslist are one of the best things ever created.

One point of view people.

These people that I talk to with just one point of view doesn't help my current situation. Life goes on, even if I don't want it to. Sometimes I wonder if these people more talk about themselves than with me. I have fear, yes, no doubt, but somewhere inside of me I know that it will be ok. I have survived so many times and always managed to crawl myself up no matter of the situation. I just have to get over it, when I do that, I will be happy.

Pushing stuff for the future.

So after another talk with my mom on the phone I'm so not entertained by going back to Sweden. I seriously get panic attacks with this "mellan-mjolks ideal" (Basically means middle milk... hard to explain)....that keeps coming up every time you talk to a person living over there. God, I can just see myself living in Sweden, no action at all and no Kimchi, dumplings, papaya salads or brunches in sight. Do they have fish stores over there with reasonable prices? I don't think so.

The country of jealousy and "jantelagen" where no one can be better than the other one. I love Sweden for everything that it is but in terms of making a career as a childrenswear designer and making a great amount of money, that's for sure not the place to be. Would my career be engineer or doctor, go for it. It also feels as if Sweden has way less choices in terms of what to do with your life.

But the great news of the day, I met a Swedish lady with two kids that I'm going to take care of. So now I found a way of sponsoring my stay in this country for some more weeks while I'm buying time and figuring out what I want to do. Sooner of later I have to leave I guess but the later the better.

Finding a replacement roommate for our apartment has also turned out to be quit an impossible task. Only by putting out an ad you can see the less responses you get, compared to October last year. The economy right now just sucks, BAD. People don't move, they don't buy, they seriously don't do anything! And we really have a BIG and spacious apartment with a great price for what you get in NYC, still no success.

Other than that I'm still in love with ebay and all my stuff from living 6 years in this country is on sale. Then I put my bike on craigslist and changed my mind when people got back to me. I love my bike, too much emotion to get ride off it already. It was such a hassle to get that bike from the beginning and soon it will be long gone. It's so sad!

God Morning!

We're sniffing & investigating Rufus just as he does to us. Rufus looks confused by our behaviour!

The biggest decision of my life.

I have made the biggest decision of my life. I have decided to leave NYC early/mid April. Fear is running through my whole body. I wake up in the middle of the night and I feel afraid. I don't want to be in Sweden. I'm not entertained by the lifestyle or the pattern of life over there. Don't get me wrong, I love the country I'm from but I live here.

Yesterday I had THE conversation with one of my roommates. Me and JoAnna have been living together for almost 4 years. 4 years is a whole lifetime. People have come and gone in the apartment but we are still living there. The deal of a lifetime with no rent increase, as we call the apartment is soon gone for me. That just doesn't happen in NYC, if you are not just very lucky that you find a good apartment deal with a great roommate.

I wish I could stay, but it's not possible. JoAnna was trying to convince me that I should stay a while more but from experience, I just don't see this economy changing right now and more jobs opening up. I rather leave with more money than I came with. I have no interest of being bankrupt, that worked when I was 20 but not now.

The conversation with JoAnna ended up being 4 hour long. She cried, I cried and it was so emotional. We have seen each others struggles over the years dealing with visas. I'm now backing out. I feel in a way as I'm giving up but on the other hand I have done this for so many years and I know that this time, I just can't do anything. The situation in the US is just crazy. Latest of people desperation is that they auction themselves and their family on ebay.

I should be proud though. I came here with almost no money. Where most people would give up I continued to struggle with no real reward in sight. I guess that's what you can call passion for what you do and your dream. My dream can still continue on the other side of the planet. Not what I want and not something I ever thought would happen but life goes on.

Life is so god damn HARD sometimes. I'm trying to make myself feel better with that I had a pretty good outcome so far. I'm not born and I'm not going back to a crazy country. I can do this, I can. I'm not going to die. Maybe mentally or as JoAnna called it, have the hardest time of my live and x amount of nervous breakdowns until everything will be ok.

It was never this hard to leave Sweden or Paris. I just didn't care to that extend. This time, I'm really feel I'm losing something and I'm hoping that it will be ok.

Me & Rufus.

Me & Rufus are hanging out today. Investigation of a Pretzel looked like this:

Me, Rufus and a Pretzel.

Rufus napping.

THE moment!

Unbelievable. I just transferred my old blog to three word documents and is now almost ready to delete if from online. Turned out to be 1000 pages. WOW! How on earth did that happen???

As always I get stuck with reading something from the past. This time my eye caught random entrances from '01 and '02. Ha! The first years. Still had a sense of humor to weird stuff happening around me in a teenage way of looking at life. Also I had no clue about the dangerous sides of taking a stroll 5 am in the morning in Paris..... So damn lucky that nothing ever happened to me.

Found an entrance from one of mine & Kim's nights out at a 3 floor nightclub in the middle of Paris. How clueless were we?? I seriously almost felt my heart jump out of me when I read the story of me running through the subway tunnels at Champs-Élysées and some crazy man was running after me screaming RUN, RUN in French! Back then I didn't understand the seriousness of being out running in an empty subway tunnel in France 5 am in the morning. You are 10 times more safe in NYC than there! It's a god damn jungle of random characters in the middle of the night. Not to say that NYC doesn't have that, but for some reason it feels way more safe.

Also found some slightly pathetic entrances about my summer working as a cashier at a Swedish grocery store called ICA. Basically the whole store was as a bad version of "The Office" with yes, a Michael boss. I have entrances about slightly weird conversations with fellow co-workers and shoppers at that store. Lovely! I apparently also broke the rule of not buttoning my blue shirt high enough. Haha.

Had some more reading about my "career" as something so boring as delivering newspapers 6 days/week 2 am in the morning for 3 summers in a row. Was I insane? I so would never do that again for that slave salary. The sad thing though is that Premo still exists and apparently they are still offering the same crappy salary 7 years later.

I have a fear that my life in Sweden, if it is going to happen, is going to be like then. With crappy low paying jobs and just plain stupidity. It could fly with me when I was 20 but almost 27, I don't think so. Imagine me working at Premo delivering newspapers again..... Kill me! I guess the faith will let me know what my destiny will be....

I'm for sure not entertained by the whole Sweden deal. When someone leave, you leave and returning 8 years later that's like going backward not forward. Ok, positivity, that's the key in this case. At least I'm not from Africa. I am from a pretty good country and if to believe surveys & studies, one of the happiest countries on this planet. Breath in, breath out, I can do this.

Snuggie here, Snuggie there...

Wow... There have been several Snuggie talks over the weekend. The whole thing started with that the Snuggie blanket was on the Oprah show and it was told that the "inventor" of this blanket with sleeves has made $60 millions in sales with his product. Unbelievable! Who buys this?! Every time this stupid commercial comes on TV I directly change, it's a joke. Then that somebody actually buys it shows that people can be stupid consumers. Can this man sell his Snuggie blanket and make millions, I can sell my future product too.

One more to leave...

You Lee is leaving NYC and going back to Korea the 30th. I'm not really sure if I like this.... We were never best friends or anything but when people you went to school with and worked at the same company with are leaving, it scares me. We did our H1B application together many years ago. Partly we went through this somewhat together and learnt the difficulties of surviving as a foreigner in the US.

As most people leaving you never know if you will see them again. E-mail and various medias for communication exist but it's not the same.

Handpainted glas.

Made four handpainted glases for M.'s birthday.. Here you can see two of them here.

Knowledge is power.

I just realized that I have grown up. I was looking through my old photo diary on a hunt for a photo. Saw other photos on the way and realized how much I have learnt over the years. It's easy many years later, with answers in my hands wondering why I did certain things but I needed my time and the opportunity to do what I wanted to do.

I'm forever grateful to myself though that I never slacked in high school. With those old grades from more than 8 years later I'm applying for some classes. New plans are growing, slowly, but coming along.

July '03 I looked like this. I just saw this photo and realized how much knowledge I have learnt since then. It's scary. Pictures says it all and brings back the old memories from way back. I f I only had known then what I know now! But sometimes not knowing is better, I realized that too.

Back in NYC...

Back from Vermont after a somewhat successful trip. Nice to have a change of scenario though and see something else than just NYC.
Yesterday when the car got to Brooklyn I really felt that I was home. Nothing against Vermont but I can never live there. It's just so far away between everything. Also the way people dress there is VERY scary.... We went to a bar and a lady wore jeans that looked like they were from the '90s. Gigantic pockets and so ill fitting jeans. I got scared....Also plaid shirts seems to be a big hit there. Great place though Vermont with nice people but not for me. Good for visits but that's it.

So... Monday and a new week. I'm planning my future - again. A less successful talk on the phone with my parents that just want me to move back to Sweden. Oh come on. I would miss New York. I realized that after almost a week in Vermont. I live here. I have a feeling that Sweden would be a similar experience to Vermont. Great for visiting but not for living. But I guess in the current situation I can't say anything and just have to accept things as they come. Gah.