The new week....

When I came home this morning and ate breakfast I got a message on my phone... from Kirsten. Apparently they were cleaning out at my old job again and some people that I worked with got laid off.

One designer that I worked with for 2 1/2 years apparently got laid off. She worked there for 10 years. A bit scary to hear. Even though I wasn't there the fear of what happened started to go through my body. Also a Korean girl that also went to Parsons and has a visa got laid off. I so hope for her that she knew what to say to fight for her visa.

Crazy, crazy, crazy times. US is good at making hysteric news whatever the topic is.... Snowstorm, someone got shot, job market.... You name it. But I do believe that the current hysteric environment with the job market is true. I'm in it and I see it. It's CRAZY. Companies are slashing people. I just wonder when it's going to turn?

Just spoke to my parents and my slightly worried dad wants me to move back to Sweden. I just can't do that yet. I live here. All my stuff are here. It feels weird closing a chapter without knowing what the new one would be. If I had a job in another country I could deal with the change but without, what's the point of moving? Towards a destiny of being even more unemployed and not even having an own apartment? Talk about loser warning.

Yesterday we saw the Oscars. I added on a bunch of movies on M.'s netflix of movies we have to see. Milk, The Reader, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Revolutionary Road, Changeling.... So many movies I really want to see.
Over the weekend we watched Sweetney Todd. Talk about slashing throat movie. So didn't like it. Johnny Depp is always a superstar though, even if the movie is crappy. Maybe I should spend my days watching movies forgetting about how sucky everything is right now? I knew I picked a tough career choice but the economy was never something I predicted.

Insane & Desperate Job Market!

Today me and You Lee went to a design job fair. All ready-set-go we stood in line with a bunch of other people early this morning. Talk about standing in liiiiiiiiiine, that's how many people were there.

Before the job fair I had some hope that I would find a job but after going to this event...... Soooooooo many people are swimming in the same fishbowl trying to find a job right now and there are so few openings. The whole fair had this air of desperation. Slightly scary.


Showed my portfolio to The Children's Place people and they liked my portfolio but they are not looking for anyone in design. Same as most other companies at that fair. Why do a company go to a fair taking people's resumes and looking at their portfolios if they are not even hiring? "Interest Applications"... What's the point?

When I was standing there I all of a sudden saw Miho, that worked at my old company for like 3 months before her stay ended there. Talked with her for a while.. So silly. I showed her and Laima Filemaker when they worked at that company and started out. Now none of us work there. Isn't it strange about the rotation of people?

Also spotted Valentina that was in my senior class at Parsons. Me and You lee weren't really sure if she saw us or was just pretending to be blind. Rough times for everybody, that's the reality right now.

I'm proud of myself though. I tried. I have done everything that is in my power to try to find a job in this current economy. I have this damn visa dragging me down but still I'm not giving up. If I do give up and move, at least I never can regret it and say that I never gave it my all. Fighters don't give up, they just adapt to the situation and find new adventures somewhere else.

More Thai food..... This time Tom Yum!

Some people celebrate their heart day at the White Castle with the "Valentine's day at the Love Castle".... We do it with Tom Yum soup with lobster. Below is Mr. & Mrs. Lobster... I'm making their acquaintance...
While M. was fixing I lost my patience.... He was cooking while I was more just hanging around checking things out... Like the lobster.. Me & Mr. Lobster are looking HOT! Also I look like I just have one ear in this photo, that's pretty funny!
Getting close!
The result of the cooking. My contribution was cutting the mushrooms and the lemongrass. Also running back and forward to the computer checking the recipe from Alice.
Next time Pad Thai an Thai Ice Tea! I really want to learn how to make that!

The Papaya Salad Mission!

So I'm addicted.... to Green Papaya Salad! This is a similar thing as Korean Kimchi that has gone on for years now. I cannot live without it. I get this insane craving and I NEED TO have it. Therefore, after last weeks unsuccessful Papaya Salad that tasted like shit, we got Scott and Alice to walk us around Chinatown to find the RIGHT and MISSING ingredients from last week.

I still had to restrain myself. I have been messing up the Papaya Salad Mission two times so far and mine and M.'s last project last week was just.... DISASTER. Not even eatable. Had to throw it out, talk about disappointment. The day after we had to go and buy 2 Papaya Salads at my favorite Tai Thai. But now we were actually going to succeed with this. Got both shrimp paste and tamarind paste that we apparently were missing...

Back at the apartment and found in Chinatown.... Several different stuff to make some Thai food with..... Yay!
Work in progress.... Reached the conclusion that we had the incorrect kind of Papaya last week...
After some mixing we concluded that we were at the right track...... This is amazing! People, everyone, HELLO EARTH! This is amazing!
Me & The Love of My Life - Papaya Salad. We love each other - forever. (Or until I'm can't eat this anymore since I now can make it and that will be done too much.)

The octuplets mom is... INSANE?

The octuplet's mom Nadya Suleman is.... Hmmm.... Insane? I wonder. I get that you have a love for children but come on! She already has 6 children between the age of 7-2 years. 3 of the kids have disabilities involving autism. The you go and get 6 eggs implanted and it turns out to be octuplets, 8 babies - EIGHT BABIES!
She is single, unemployed, $50,000 in study loan dept, no income except $500/month in food stamps and some additional money in disability payments for her children. Why on earth do someone do this??? So selfish!

Apparently the cost of giving birth to all these 8 babies cost $1.3 millions which this mom doesn't have any money for so that goes on taxpayers' bill. That apparently pissed people off and Suleman's publicist is receiving all various e-mails to this woman, even death treats.

Me and my Taiwanese roommate were watching the interview on TV with this woman in fascination. It was like a comedy show. Her answers and her wannabee Angelina Jolie look. Her answer how she will pay for all her children, "When I work."
How can anyone work when they have 14 children?! Childcare in this country is deadly expensive and she is not even done with her education. Not to talk about having a child to go to college in this country. A tuition can be $25-45,000/year for one child.

Now everyone is apparently waiting to know who the father is for all these kids. Nobody knows. People are speculating if the father is a wannabee Brad Pitt guy. That would make the story about this lady even more absurd.

Craaaaaaaazzzzzzzzzzzy people.............. Or simply really selfish and irresponsible for 14 people on this planet.
"I have never even thought of Angelina Jolie, except the last time I saw a movie," ..... Okidoki, seems like nobody believes her.

Career vs. Happiness?

Just spent the last hour talking to Laima on the phone, another old co-worker. Haven't spoken with her since November. We seem to be in the same boat as we both don't want to work again for someone else. I have to work for someone else again, probably, but honestly I do not want to. I'm tired of having people pushing me around and never recognizing ME for what I can do. Then I'm rather unemployed, figuring out another solution to my life. For my profession there are years that just have to be dedicated to tough years - dog years - as I call them. But to some extend, dog years have to end. Otherwise something dies.

I don't believe though that you never should struggle, it's healthy and gives strength. Just as all people should move to a new place at least once in their life where they don't know anybody. To understand the value of what they have, learn how to branch out, get a new pattern to their life and see strengths to their unique personality.

Life is amazing, it really is. It's like I'm growing every day and I guess I'm in some kind off recovery stage. Realized that I'm really HAPPY for the first time in many years. I feel hope even though the current state. I walk outside the door and I'm smiling, looking at people, feeling spring coming in the air and just breath. Before I was always stressing with some bag, always ON THE WAY. Was I happier by that? Not really. So the question is - can you really be happy even though you are working and apparently building a so called career? Is there a possibility to meet a balance in this country where your job is your life? Salary & Money mean that you can consume and the bought products means that you are successful... At least that seems to be the story if I understood the concept for life that a lot of people have.

I really don't get it.

Planning for the future is the best tool.

Just had a long talk with my French roommate. We never really talk to each other. We live in the same apartment but we have such a different schedules. Over the holidays we didn't see each other for almost 2 months. So NYC life. Anyway.... My roommate walks into the door and her first comment is:

"Hey.... Did a lot of people get laid off from your job?"

That started a whole conversation about my lay off and the current economy and how everything is just DEAD. She is scared. SCARED of the situation right now. She still has her job but things are NASTY and people are fighting for their life to survive and keep their job. 2009 is going to be the year for learning how to survive.

After half an hour Laila says to me: "You seem so calm. Not concerned about your situation."
That's the second person in less than a week that says that. I have my moments but for the most I'm just accepting the situation.
I could get hit by a car tomorrow and it would all be over. Life is too short to worry about things like losing your job. I learnt from an early age that things cost money and that no one will give me anything for free. Planning for the future was something I started many years ago when I still had a job. With that said, I still have my downturns and Thursday I was crying about my situation, but it only lasted for some minutes and then it stopped.
I realize what helps me is talking. Brainstorming. Ignoring and comments such as: "Do we have to talk about this?" just doesn't fly with me. I need something to grab. Something to hold on to. An action plan. It has been shaping for many years and I think I'm starting to get ready to give all my projects going. As Laila said, recessions are not necessarily a bad thing. They make people think outside the box.

As a side note, when talking to Laila I realized that I lost myself for the last year. ME. THIS IS ME. Just gave up on this with working on my dreams and ME, Linda, that knows disappeared. I'm promising myself to never let a damn job eat me up again. Adapting, sure, but to the point of losing yourself, that's simply not going to happen again.
When I have serious discussion with people. I know that I'm still there. I can for sure argue and get my point through when I want to. That's what landed me on this side of the planet from the beginning. How on earth did I loose it? I know part of the answer and if certain people could get sued for EVIL behavior I know for sure who I would attack. But that's a waste of time. Some people will get their punishment in the end anyway.