This sucks.

Sooooo.... Of course it wasn't that easy to just transfer the visa. I wanted to get my new company to pay part of the visa. That didn't happen. They said no. Also adding that this seems more complicated than they had expected so they would like me to look for new opportunity elsewhere.... "GREAT!".... Therefore I"m stuck, again. My happy, happy, happy mood is gone and I have spent the last 3 hours sleeping on the couch feeling like shit.

Even though I would get this job I'm still stuck. Stuck in the hell of visas in an economy that's doing shit and a world of recession. I want to be a designer? Retail is dead. People get laid off in seconds and I'm going to pay $4000 for this crazy project for a company that can't even guaranty that I will have an employment with them for a longer time.

Sometimes I wonder if I ever will be the same. The believe, the hope, the dreams.... They are all under there but the older I get the more I understand that everything is not just possible. Maybe I should just give up and make that move to the other side of the planet? I have struggled so much and when things finally start to get clear and in the right direction, then the curtain shuts and I'm in the dark again. Why am I even doing this to myself? Am I insane? I sometimes wonder...... Life isn't supposed to be this hard.